Snippets - The Lovers Podcast

S11E7 - The Repair Process and Beyond

When you find your partner upset, be there for them. Like as you are working at a customer service. Treat your partner like someone that you want the best for. Support them in their way back to the healthy center. Do not expect anything back at this moment. Be compassionate. 

 

The above might be so hard in the moment. But it is a process that needs to happen.
You need to get better at repairing. Both of you. 

 

If we wish for the stars?
This is a way that we all could benefit from doing, learning and in the end mastering:
How to get to a new auto pilot 👍🏼

-> Unconscious incompetence
-> Conscious incompetence

-> Conscious competence

-> Unconscious competence 

 

Did this course give us what we wanted?? What we were hoping for?
We had a lot of really good conversations, a bigger disagreement, a fight and a lot of repairing during this digital course.
And yes, we recommend it. It is worth the money. It is easy to get going. It might be triggering.
If you feel unsure - get some help and maybe do this course alongside a relationship coach or therapist of your choice. 

If you are not in a relationship at the moment - this course might still give you insights and useful learnings to bring to your next relationship. 

Do not be a stranger, share, comment and spread our work to others.
Please share your thoughts with us on our social media.
And give us a rating in the app you are using for listening to our beloved Snippets.

All the best from us to you!
/The Lovers

Find us here: https://linktr.ee/thelovers

 

Link below to the relationship grid for better understanding:

https://shorturl.at/er6ON

S11E6 - The essential Rhythm of relationships

The rhythm of relationships - this is something that we have spoken about before and used to understand our relationship. Where we are in our rhythm. 

We totally agree with Terry - this should be taught everywhere. But it isn’t. That is very unfortunate. 

 

Terry phrases the rhythm in these two ways:
Harmony - Disharmony - Repair

and explains a bit more in this way -

Love without knowledge or awareness (Harmony)

Awareness or Knowledge without Love (Disharmony, disillusionment, being human, hard)

Knowing Love (Repair, mature Love, aware of imperfections but you still love)

 

In this episode we also get to learn about the brilliant (being ironic) loosing strategies
5 losing strategies (used by the adaptive/inner child)

• Being right
• Controlling your partner
• Unbridled self expression
• Retaliation
• Withdrawal

 

We hope this episode gave you some new understandings. 

As promised - a link to the 10 commandments for a time out. 
https://terryreal.com/articles/10-commandments-of-time-outs/

Link below to the relationship grid for better understanding:

https://shorturl.at/er6ON

Please share your thoughts with us on our social media.
And give us a rating in the app you are using for listening to our beloved Snippets.

Find us here: https://linktr.ee/thelovers

S11E5 - The complete quadrant, be aware!

Finally, we hoped and thought. All details and everything to be shared from Terry to us about the full quadrant. The relationship grid in the fullest. 

But nope.
And yes.

Terry spoke about the full grid, not just in the way we were looking forward to.
A few interesting snippets from the episode below:

• Contempt is the feeling that lies underneath both one up and one down! 
• If you’re up come down, If you’re down come up - Come back into center! 
• The cure for love avoidance is negotiation- teaching both partners to identify their wants and needs, put them out in a constructive way and how to tolerate when they don’t go your way. 
• Do some journaling of your quadrant. What does it feel like to be there? What is it like to see your partner in his/hers? 
• Do not solve anything when you’re in triggerdness. Only from the healthy center as your wise adult, as the TEAM. 

 

Link below to the relationship grid for better understanding:

https://shorturl.at/er6ON

We hope you enjoy this season, only two episodes more in season 11 !
See you in the healthy center!
/The Lovers

S11E4 - Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

Our take-aways from this lesson on understanding the relationship grid were a few things.

The first was the importance of having a psychological internal boundary. 

One that is open and permeable but not too thin. Let there be a skin between you and who ever is with you. 

To keep yourself healthy and connected. 

 

The second was to find a good breath. Terry takes us through an exercise on creating boundaries, where he asks us to find a good breath. We really liked that as so many others are talking about a deep breath or something similar which might be difficult to understand and to find. But this resonated well with both of us. A good breath.

The boundary exercise? 

”Close your eyes
Take some good breaths 😃

Think of a happy place

Encircle yourself with a boundary”

 

Link below to the relationship grid for better understanding:

https://shorturl.at/er6ON

Please share your thoughts with us on our social media.
And give us a rating in the app you are using for listening to our beloved Snippets.

Find us here: https://linktr.ee/thelovers

S11E3 - Grandiosity and Shame

A very useful start from Terry to describe the upper section of the grid - Grandiosity. He spoke a lot about this as he thinks that he as a therapist has his own take on how to make someone ”come down” from being grandiose. The how was not presented, really.

If you are ever in doubt whether you are on up (= grandiosity) or one down ( = shame) you can always use this to make it clearer for yourself.
Shame (= one down) feels BAD.

Grandiosity (= one up) feels GOOD, because it impairs judgement!
Wherever you are - make sure to get back into the middle - that is where health is. The further away from the center - the more self centered and AWAY from the US you are.

Link below to the relationship grid for better understanding: https://shorturl.at/er6ON

Please share your thoughts with us on our social media.
And give us a rating in the app you are using for listening to our beloved Snippets.

You´ll find us here: https://linktr.ee/thelovers

S11E2 - The Wise Adult and The Inner Child

When Terry meets couples in therapy he always wants to talk to the wise adult within you. But it is not all times you have access to that wise adult. Sometimes the inner/adaptive child takes over. In this episode we’ll talk a bit more about these two versions that exists within us all.
What happens when we let the inner/adaptive child to take over, and what the complications might be.
We also like how Terry talks about the micro-traumas or traumas with the little t. 

Link below to the relationship grid for better understanding: https://shorturl.at/er6ON

Link to the test and a little intro from Terry himself
https://terryreal.com/the-relationship-grid-explained/
To get a better idea of what we are taking you through in this season!

S11E1 - Our first all digital course

Why did we choose a course by Terry Real?
And yes, we have spoken about Terry before - in our Season 8, episode 7.
In Swedish though.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5LPTBwhoThPR3Vck3sWgJT?si=261905b3682f45cd
In Swedish though. 

 

Link below to the relationship grid for better understanding:

https://shorturl.at/er6ON

S11E0 - Quick Tip to Season 11

Welcome to Season 11 - where we take you through our experience of doing a digital course
Here comes a little tip before listening in to the full season: 
https://terryreal.com/the-relationship-grid-explained/
To get a better idea of what we are taking you through in this season!
The link will take you to the test and a little intro from Terry himself.

Link to the the image of the relationship grid: https://shorturl.at/er6ON

S10E8 - Skepticism och hejarop

Vi både hyllar och är skeptiska till hela studien som boken grundar sig på. Varför?
Lyssna till detta korta avsnitt så berättar vi mer. 

 

Hejaropen är även till er! Vi tror på dig/er som lyssnar på denna podd och att just lyssna till denna säsong är din start på ditt nästa steg i din ”s3xtillväxt-resa”. 

 

Prenumerera på vår podd så missar du inte nästa säsong!

Vi välkomnar alltid tips på nytt innehåll. Eller varför inte skicka oss din fråga som du behöver hjälp med? 

Varma kramar och tack för att just du lyssnar!

 

Du hittar oss här:  https://linktr.ee/thelovers

Foto: Cecilia Mellberg
Mixat och redigerat: Alden Lake Productions

S10E7 - Den gyllene vägen

Vilken blir din gyllene väg till din tillväxt? Kommer din partner att välja samma väg?
För det finns definitivt fler vägar att ta sig till sin nya nivå i sin ”s3xtillväxt-resa”. 

Och ja, visst pratar vi ofta om parrelationer, men det betyder ju inte att du som är singel inte kan göra en tillväxtresa. Vi tror att alla som vill faktiskt kan ta sig dit.

”Stora älskare föds inte. De skapas.” Så säger Peggy och Dana i boken och vi instämmer till fullo!

 

Dela gärna detta avsnitt, eller varför inte hela säsongen, med någon du gillar.
Kommentarer och annat älskar vi så var inte blyg - visa oss och världen din uppskattning!
Foto: Cecilia Mellberg
Mixat och redigerat: Alden Lake Productions